“To my biological family, I forgive you, for neglecting me, for not accepting me and …”

I don’t normally do this but I thought it’d be nice to let it go to the universe (media is a fraction of it) and release me from the bottled feelings. I never got to do this for myself, this is the first time I am writing a letter, to myself and those who are interested in reading.

To my biological family, I forgive you, for neglecting me, for not accepting me and for putting me through hell. I forgive you. It is the culture, it is the oppressed majority that we were born in wedging in between us. I know you are trying as much as I have been, but things will not be the same as they once were. You may act as if you understand and finally accept me, I appreciate it, but I can’t welcome your gestures as you have been looking at me as the “thing” I have become. I have always been me.

I forgive you, for myself, as much as you constantly say “I love you” for your own hearts, for the very own images of me you long wish to be. Maybe one day, you can finally genuinely be happy for me as I walk down the aisle, in the form and the soul I have meant to be.

To the physical body of the boy I once was for 25 years; I am so sorry and so grateful of you. I am so sorry for not standing up for you. I was, too, afraid and scared of the inevitable ends we might have had if I had come out earlier. I am so sorry for letting you soak your pillow wet every night when we were 14-15. I resent the times I just stood there, watching you cry for hours in the shower, the times I let you drown yourself in the bath, the times you took a longer walk to avoid bullies after school every day. I let you suffer bulimia and anorexia. I am so sorry for trying ripping our very own skin. I am so grateful of you, for being strong, for being curious. Had you not researched our identities in great discretion at University, we would have never evolved and ultimately, be the very existence we are today. That slit on our left wrist is no longer a mark of shame, but the memento of our strength and resilience, the journey we have shared together. Thank you for letting me out on that very night, shortly after graduation. That was our night of coronation.

To the Anh Anastasia I have become today, stay strong and keep your head high. Thank you for being the courageous woman you are everyday. It’s tough, it’s goddamned tough to live as who we are, but thank you for not turning back home every time fear strikes you. You go girl, one foot in front of another. You might have done things we never consider to be ideal, but you did what needed to be done and get us through. Let us be the voice for other, let us encourage those who are still living fear and of the unknown. Let us LOVE  the way any human being should and be.

To the LGBTIQ+ family, thank you for embracing me. Thank you to the brothers and sisters fought, fell and survived before us; I am forever in debt of the path you have forged. Every single visibility you have made in the media, in the casual/formal conversation advocates for our very own rights, for the human rights we deserve to have.

For those shivering in the dark corners, it is time, to love yourself and to finally be free from the obfuscating labels. You are too, a human being, and LOVE is LOVE. Those who are stigmatised, what are other ways to be happy authentically than self acceptance? To those who are questioning, no need to, as why insist on affix certain tags others have made for you, you are human, we are human. Enjoy the journey, it’s beautiful in its very finicky way, but totally worth it. Embrace the pains as much as you do to the joy. You are your own creator.

To the bigots out there, one day, I will run you. One day I will spread the message of LOVE worldwide and I will sit there from the very above, making you choking on your own words and enjoy seeing you accepting “the sins” you have projected on us. I don’t know how and when, but it will happen. I will celebrating on your defeat while holding the world in my hands.

To the world and to everybody, I have finally made my peace, took half a box of tissues, almost a bag of chips and a can of Coke. I shall now surrender to Love, unconditionally, I shall now… LOVE.

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